Being humble is a virtue, and apparently one that billboard companies (as in the ones that own billboards) lack. I'm sure you seen these: billboards that look like they've been scrawled in crayon generally saying something to the effect of "Do Billboards Work?! THIS ONE JUST DID"
OH. MY. GOD.
Seriously, my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. The interstate between Houston and New Orleans is absolutely LITTERED with these motherfuckers.
my drive.
But then I calm down and realize, no, they did not in fact just work. BECAUSE I DIDN'T CALL THE FUCKING NUMBER AND RENT THEIR GOD DAMN BILLBOARD. But really, they make me feel duped somehow. When i see one in the distance i make DAMN SURE i don't actually look at it. You can get pretty good at spotting them from afar, and I'm so ridonkulously blind that there is no way in hell i can actually read them from that far away.
HA! TAKE THAT BILLBOARD.
2. The sound of engines of any size
So when i was younger i honestly could not STAND the sound of lawn equipment. Going to Home Depot was like torture for me because of the forklifts. Vaccuum cleaners made me want to run out of the room.
I must have been some weird tortured pet in a former life.
To this day i can barely drive my car with the windows down, much less around OTHER CARS. And i would totally blame my lack of cleanliness on my loathing of the vaccuum, but really thats just cause i'm lazy.
I think this whole thing stems from the inability to hear ANYTHING ELSE when its being drowned out by LOUD OBNOXIOUS WHITE NOISE.
Its insanely oppresive. Its practically sensory deprivation (which is also torture) but accompanied by loud noises.
No. Can. Do.
3. People At the Gym.
Okay, thats a little unfair, you might be thinking. Of course you don't like people at the gym, crowded gyms are bad, you might be thinking.
You really don't get it. Its specifically the people at MY gym. as in the Texas A&M rec center.
There are a four main types, two of which are HORRIBLE. THAT MEANS 50% OF THE PEOPLE THERE SUCK.
oops, bold.
anyway:
1. Juiced Out Meathead and Frat Boys: actually not so sucky. at least they know what their doing and at least a bit familiar with proper gym etiquette
HA! TAKE THAT BILLBOARD.
2. The sound of engines of any size
So when i was younger i honestly could not STAND the sound of lawn equipment. Going to Home Depot was like torture for me because of the forklifts. Vaccuum cleaners made me want to run out of the room.
I must have been some weird tortured pet in a former life.
To this day i can barely drive my car with the windows down, much less around OTHER CARS. And i would totally blame my lack of cleanliness on my loathing of the vaccuum, but really thats just cause i'm lazy.
I think this whole thing stems from the inability to hear ANYTHING ELSE when its being drowned out by LOUD OBNOXIOUS WHITE NOISE.
Its insanely oppresive. Its practically sensory deprivation (which is also torture) but accompanied by loud noises.
No. Can. Do.
3. People At the Gym.
Okay, thats a little unfair, you might be thinking. Of course you don't like people at the gym, crowded gyms are bad, you might be thinking.
You really don't get it. Its specifically the people at MY gym. as in the Texas A&M rec center.
There are a four main types, two of which are HORRIBLE. THAT MEANS 50% OF THE PEOPLE THERE SUCK.
oops, bold.
anyway:
1. Juiced Out Meathead and Frat Boys: actually not so sucky. at least they know what their doing and at least a bit familiar with proper gym etiquette
3. Vultures: The second you sit down to do something or as soon as you pick up a weight to start an excercise these people are on you LIKE FLIES. "Hey man how many more sets do you have?"
see, thats fine. please ask and don't just assume i'm done. but AS SOON AS I SIT DOWN?! ARE YOU SERIOUS? PATIENCE CHILD.
4. Girls: no problem with these ones. they stick to the elipticals and stairmasters and sex machines. completely out of my way. brilliant.
OTHER PEOPLE AT THE GYM I HATE:
hand holders: you know who you are. YOU DO NOT NEED TO PROFESS YOU LOVE AT THE FUCKING REC CENTER. YOU ARE NOT SIAMESE TWINS JOINED AT THE PALM. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET GO.
don't drop the weights guy: okay, admittedly i don't hate him, its his job, clearly some douche in a suit made him do this, but seriously i set them down a little hard, sorry. i wasn't "dropping" the dumbells. maybe i was mildly irked, but hate, no.
4. People who don't know how to walk in America.
You know how we drive on the right here? well guess what, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WALK ON THE GOD DAMN RIGHT TOO.
Not my right. I walk to my right. You walk to your right. THAT WAY YOU DON'T GET THAT AWKWARD "WHICH WAY YOU GONNA GO" MOMENT.
SERIOUSLY NOT THAT HARD. I mean, i don't know how they do it in Europe, or maybe even like New Guinea or some shit (thats not in europe, right?), but this is how we do it here, bitches.
the worst are the people that clearly are just going on there merry way the shortest possible route for them, everyone else be DAMNED.
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